There are times that when we fall in love, or start a new relationship, we are blinded to the toxic energy and intentions of the other person. Dr. Judith Orloff, author of Emotional Freedom, believes that there are several types of personalities that fall into the scope of emotional vampires. She says, “When encountering emotional vampires, see what you can learn. It’s your choice. You can simply feel tortured, resentful, impotent. Or, as I try to do, ask yourself, “How can this interaction help me grow?” They drain our energies. They take what they want and leave the person discarded and blindsided.

Here Are 6 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Draining You:

emotionally draining partner

1. The martyr-victim

This type of person sucks your energy while making you feel responsible for all that happens to them. They are the ones who use guilt to possess whatever they want from you. This is the person who uses old stories of the blame with a poor-is-me attitude trying to manipulate your life. If this is your new mate you can start by shifting the stories. Most victims do not like when the tables are turned. It’s all about them. Utilize their own scenarios. They can suck your positive energy out if you don’t stop them on their tracks.

2. The narcissist

These folks live in their own dimensional reality and the universe revolves around them at all times. Nothing else matters. They feed off the kindness of others. They will manipulate themselves into any situation, especially romantic ones. The narcissist is dangerous because they do not believe they have a problem. So, if your new date is late and doesn’t apologize, or when you call him/her on punctuality and the tables turn to make you feel like crap, this is the way they feed off emotions. They put themselves on some golden pedestal and expect you to worship them. Narcissist do not like boundaries. If you care to continue with this type of persona, then it’s up to you to call them out on their behavior as often as possible. Most likely they will go on to their next victim. Nothing enrages a Narcissist more than someone going against them.

3. The dictator

This type of person wants to control you. He or she will obsess over everything you do and make you feel bad for not doing it their way. This controller is not open for suggestions. They know what’s best for you and you better do to their liking. They will feed on souls who have traumas and utilize past events to manipulate you. Do not share too much of yourself because this type of person has no problem being “honest” and bullying their way to making you do things you do not want to do. Stand up for what you believe. When they feel that they cannot control you they will find a way to leave your side.

4. The paranoid partner

This vampire lives off creating scenarios that do not exist. They will blame you for putting them in harm, making them crazy, and driving them to do things that are unnatural. The paranoid borderline personality will make you feel like you are on a roller coaster ride of horror. One moment they are happy and loving, the next they are saying things that make no sense. You will be blamed for going against them, humiliating them, and disrespecting them. They will be eluded from reality and use jealousy with much anger and resentment. This is a dangerous emotional vampire whose sociopath behavior will destroy everyone around them. They are not only emotionally unstable but can physically act on their emotions because they don’t trust anyone.

“Paranoid vampires don’t understand the concept of trust. They never seem to realize that trust is supposed to be in their own minds, rather than in the actions of other people. Consequently, if you’re close to one of these vampires, you’ll have to re-earn his or her trust every hour on the hour. This is especially true if your relationship is sexual. A Paranoid vampire’s idea of foreplay is 20 minutes of questioning about exactly what you were thinking the last time you made love.” ~  Albert J. Bernstein, Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry

5. The drama queen or king

This type of vampire will create a dramatic play out anything just to get attention. A small disagreement can turn into a bloody war. They feed off the energy of anyone who gives them power and attention. The Drama Queen/King will add on to anything that you like to make it theirs. They have very little sense of boundaries and perception of what is not theirs. They gossip and create stories that will belittle you while making themselves in the protagonist.

6. The sexual seducer

These vampires use lust as their weapon of choice. They feed on those who have low self-esteem. They appear as charmers and sweet talkers. Beware of their behavior when you try to take things slowly. They will force themselves on you by using your faults and imperfections. These are chauvinistic souls who use sex as their way of getting things. They rarely fall in love. They fall in and out of seductive relationships without ever looking back. And, it’s always another person’s fault. They never take responsibility for their actions.

Each one of these vampires feeds on insults, accusations, blame, vulnerability, bigotry, judgment, and manipulation. If it doesn’t feel right in a new relationship, it’s not right. Listen to your internal feelings. Emotional vampires are toxic. They will destroy everything and anything around them to get what they want. Most of these folks are secretive, vindictive, and intelligently cunning. They are con artists and thieves of emotions. Do not allow another to dictate your worth or rob you of your joy.

emotionally draining partner

7 Ways To Protect Yourself If You Have An Emotionally Draining Partner

Take these steps to protect your well-being if any of the above describe someone in your life.

1. Tough love

Practice tough love with your partner. If they get angry at you, don’t allow their anger to manipulate you into acting. Tell them you will not cover up for them or respond to their taunts. They need to understand the consequences of their actions. You can express concern for their behavior and encourage them to change, but don’t beg. They need to resolve their own issues.

2. Don’t engage with your emotionally draining partner

Refuse to engage in a conversation with an emotionally draining partner who is being disrespectful. If they’re being disrespectful, refuse to respond. Walk away. When they settle down, you can explain how they affected you. Set boundaries. If they get hostile, leave. Don’t put yourself in a dangerous situation.

3. If necessary, emotionally detach

It’s difficult to detach yourself from someone you love, but you may need to pull away to deal with your feelings of confusion and to figure out what to do. Accept that things are broken in the relationship. It’s not selfish to protect yourself from someone who is hurting you.

4. Focus on the positive things

Focus on what is positive in the situation. Perhaps your partner is listening to your concerns. Or perhaps they’ve agreed to go to a counselor. Being positive doesn’t mean you’re don’t feel sad or angry about the situation. Weirdly, you need these negative feelings to get through a difficult situation. It helps you learn about yourself and how to get through them. Researchers suggest that emotionally healthy people can have negative emotions, but they’re able to bounce back from them faster. This is resilience.

5. Embrace imperfection

Relationships are messy. It’s surprising when your partner isn’t exactly who you thought they would be. Perhaps they’re going through an especially difficult time at work and not handling it well. They may be short-tempered with you. It’s important to step back and try to understand what’s going on with them.  You should gently, but firmly, tell them they need to stop blaming you for their problems at work. After everything settles down at work, be sure to talk and ask them about their behavior. Perhaps they were modeling the way their parents acted in difficult situations. Going through these hard situations can strengthen your relationship if you embrace the imperfections and work together.

6. Understand that an emotionally draining partner may not change

Remember, no matter how much you try to help your emotionally draining partner, they may not change. They may have emotional ups and downs all the time. They may be controlling. Perhaps you saw glimpses of this before your relationship but didn’t understand the extent of these issues. You can treat them with love and respect, but hold your boundaries against their hurtful attitudes.

7. Cut yourself some slack

Don’t be too hard on yourself. An emotionally draining partner can be exhausting to live with. You may try everything you know to accommodate them. Be sure to keep yourself physically and emotionally healthy. Acknowledge that you’re in a difficult situation. Remind yourself that you don’t have all the answers, but you can take it one day at a time.

emotionally draining partner

Final Thoughts on Dealing with an Emotionally Draining Partner

If you’re in an emotionally draining relationship, be sure to get help outside yourself. Talk with your pastor or a counselor about what you should do. You need support to stay emotionally healthy and strong.