When we find someone we truly admire and adore, we sometimes overlook or ignore warning signs of certain behaviors and personality traits that can actually harm us emotionally and even physically. Most people in a relationship just want a happy, healthy, thriving union between themselves and their partner. But when something doesn’t feel right, they sometimes choose to look past these feelings and pretend like everything’s fine.

Of course, no one is perfect. But you should never have to put up with any sort of behavior that makes you feel small, unimportant, or even fearful of your partner.

Here are five things you should never tolerate in a relationship:

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1. Emotional or physical abuse in the relationship

According to Click to Empower.org, 1 in 4 women report experiencing domestic violence in their lifetime. These staggering statistics reveal a very serious problem in relationships and society today, so if you currently are in a relationship with a violent or abusive partner, or feel threatened in any way, don’t think twice about leaving them. No one on this Earth deserves a relationship where they constantly feel unsafe or unworthy of love. So you should never tolerate any sort of abuse in a relationship, including emotional abuse. This kind of behavior might seem less harmful than physical abuse, but even though no one can see the scars on your heart, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

*If you feel you have experienced abuse in your relationship, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for support and guidance.

2. Someone who doesn’t listen to you

Your thoughts matter, and they deserve to be heard by your partner, especially the one person who you should always be able to count on to listen to you. However, these insensitive and self-absorbed behaviors sometimes don’t surface until months into a relationship. So don’t feel bad if you didn’t spot this right away. People who talk over others and don’t want to listen to what they have to say usually have low self-esteem. Furthermore, they feel they must control their partner to feel validated. They can’t control themselves, so they must look around them for ways to remain significant.

You should never tolerate someone who doesn’t know how to communicate with you, and a huge part of communication in a relationship actually involves listening. If your partner can’t give you that respect, they don’t deserve you. Period.

3. A controlling relationship

As we stated in the last point, controlling people have low self-confidence. They want to know where you will be at all times and who you will be with and want to dictate every aspect of your life, so you have no room to make your own choices. They want you all to themselves and will stop at nothing to achieve this goal. This behavior might not seem too harmful at first, but most people who end up harming their partner emotionally or physically have an incessant need for control. Please don’t stay in a relationship with someone who feels the need to direct every part of your life; they need to work on their insecurity and dig deep to figure out why they can’t trust other people.

4. A person who constantly shoots down your aspirations

If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in your goals and dreams, you probably feel pretty unsupported and alone. And is that how you think you should feel in a relationship? Ask yourself this next time your partner tears you down or mocks you for your career or life goals. A relationship should make you feel fulfilled and supported, not the opposite. Someone who belittles you and makes you incapable of achieving your goals is jealous and insecure. They don’t want to watch you rise above obstacles and achieve greatness. That’s because they don’t have the courage to do the same for themselves.

You should never tolerate a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in you and doesn’t want to see you advance your life. Choose a relationship with someone who uplifts you and will stand behind your dreams and goals 150%.

5. Someone who doesn’t take responsibility for their life

A relationship with someone who doesn’t take charge of their life will start to drain and unmotivate you after a while because they will look to you for everything they choose not to see within themselves. People who avoid developing themselves and would rather take the easy way out have no place in your life; a real relationship requires two people committed to becoming the best version of themselves and supporting each other along the way. Someone who exhibits no motivation or drive to accomplish something greater than themselves will only hinder their own self-development–and yours. So choose to avoid relationships with people who would rather take the backseat in life.


Final Thoughts on Recognizing the Dangers of a Harmful Relationship

You might feel trapped–you committed to love your partner despite all the flaws. But when a relationship takes a dangerous turn for your physical or mental well-being, it is time to reevaluate. You matter. Your emotional and physical safety matters. Do not tolerate a partner that does not give you the safety you deserve.