Relationships are hard. In fact, according to Lisa Blum, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist in Southern California, “The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work.”
Our ideas about the “perfect” relationship often get in the way of the work we need to do. It’s easy to lose sight of the goal – which should be to live a happy life together. Sometimes, we accept things we shouldn’t have to to “keep the peace”.
Knowing nothing is perfect and that relationships are complex, it makes sense to be mindful about what we do and do not accept in them…
Here are 5 things to stop accepting in your relationship:
Stop accepting behaviors that break your trust.
There is a reason that trust is number one – because trust is the most important in each and every kind of relationship. Trust is the foundation upon which a relationship is built, and it is mistrust that often destroys it. Nothing weakens a relationship more than being deceitful.
Something to understand – when you trust someone and they continuously break your trust, it’s not your fault it’s theirs. It’s very natural to immediately blame yourself for having trusted someone only to have them break that trust, but don’t.
It’s only through experience that we determine whether or not someone is trustworthy; either way, you’ll learn a valuable lesson or add a great relationship.
Stop accepting negative energy
A positive relationship should mostly be uplifting, leaving you feeling inspired for the next meeting. You shouldn’t leave each meeting with someone feeling drained and negative, and you surely shouldn’t accept this negative energy in your closest relationships.
Sure, there will be some rough patches along the way, but it’s mostly a constructive experience. You should be accepting of each other, supportive and responsive.
If you hit a point where the positive aspects of the relationship are sporadic, it may be time to move on. You may actually come to a point where you actually attempt to avoid the person while hoping to maintain the relationship. This may sound crazy, but people do it all the time. “Maybe it’ll get better,” they think to themselves. Perhaps it’s not a normal, functioning, or healthy relationship.
Stop Accepting Sluggishness
To be happy in a relationship, you must first be happy with yourself. When life gets busy, making exercising together a priority can be challenging. There are a million reasons to skip your workout, but how does that make you feel – sluggish or lazy, maybe? Those are not feelings you want to bring into your relationship.
Tip: Start exercising together
Exercising together is a great way to build a stronger relationship. Couples that exercise together will see physical benefits, but you will be surprised to learn that your emotional connections also become stronger.
Stop accepting competition.
Maybe you have a goal of losing thirty pounds before summer vacation, so you start hitting the gym and eating better together. Soon, though, you might notice the other person lifting heavier weights, so you try to one-up them, and eventually it turns into a vicious game rather than a mutual goal.
Remain supportive and encourage the other person to do his or her best while also putting in your greatest effort – as long as you try your hardest and cheer your partner on, you’ll both come out on top!
Stop accepting the belief that you need to change who you are around that person.
You should never feel the need to be another person to accommodate someone. It’s exhausting first of all, and it is a telltale sign that the relationship is not consensual. Some element of that individual does not jive with the person you are.
Whether or not the person verbalizes their dissatisfaction with you or you innately know that you must change for them to accept you doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do not feel comfortable being yourself, which shouldn’t be acceptable to you under any circumstance.