You have been at work all day dealing with coworkers, customers and your boss. You get home to take care of the kids, cook dinner, relax with the family and maybe watch a show. Finally, you bundle the little ones off to bed and have some quiet time for you and your spouse. You want to spend time together, but they just aren’t feeling it. It isn’t that they don’t love you or find you attractive; they just don’t feel like being together at the moment. We have all been there. Maybe that burrito for lunch is biting them in the rear. Maybe something is on their mind. Or, maybe they just want to face plant into the pillow and embrace oblivion until the alarm goes off in the morning. There are a ton of reasons why your partner doesn’t want to spend time together

Here are 4 reasons they aren’t feeling like spending time together tonight:

1. They Are Exhausted

The sugar and caffeine rush from this morning is long since spent. Their belly is full from dinner and their feet are throbbing from running around all day helping customers or moving merchandise. They are burnt, spent, pooped, worn out, wiped and exhausted. Put a fork in them – they are done. All they can think about is shuffling, like the living dead, off to bed and curling up under a warm blanket. They are gonna be out like a light five seconds after their head hits the pillow. It isn’t about you; they just have nothing left in the gas tank.

2. They Are Stressed

Work can be hyper-competitive and stressful. From demanding bosses to unruly clients, work is gonna be the death of us. It takes a lot of energy not to go off on someone who desperately needs it because they are a customer and the customer is always right, even when they are wrong. The bills are due and money is tight. The kids have been sick and your partner has been up all night giving them medicine and putting them back to bed. They are stressed out and ready to snap. You may have had a wonderful night’s sleep and a nice easy breezy day at the office, but they are just nowhere near feeling amorous. Cut them some slack. Rub their feet and take care of the evening chores for them. Let them relax and decompress.

3. They Are Busy

Life is busy and most of us try to juggle work, family time, kid’s activities and getting some extra education to make us competitive in the marketplace. After working all day, then running errands and dropping off/picking up the kids from activities, you might be in the mood, but your partner still has to research and write a paper for the master’s they are working on. The only free time you get is after everyone else is taken care of for the night. Those couple of precious hours after the kids go to sleep might seem like a good time to get your freak on, but your partner has things that need to get done.


4. Their Mind Is Somewhere Else

Maybe one of their parents is seriously ill and just found out a few hours ago. Maybe their favorite sports team is in the playoffs and they really don’t want to miss the game. Perhaps they have an important presentation at work tomorrow and they feel underprepared. There are a million reasons why their mind would be somewhere else but there with you. They have things they value as important on their minds right now and just aren’t in the right head space to be together right this instant. It doesn’t say anything about you and it is not a rejection. It usually has to do with them and what they are dealing with in that moment.

Related article: 6 Things Your Parents Never Told You About Relationships

Everyone handles stress, tiredness and a hectic schedule differently. Be kind and understanding. Try to take some of their load and give them a break. They are still with you and still home every night to tuck in the kids. They still love you, but they are just having a rough time. So, relax and don’t take it personally.