“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson
True confidence doesn’t scream from mountaintops or beg for attention; it stands quietly and firmly among the chaos, and shows us that we just need to believe in ourselves and our truth in order to attain it. Everyone wants more confidence, but feel confused on how to get there. Well, you know what? Confidence doesn’t have to elude you any longer; you can feel more confident just by eliminating certain behaviors that only harm your self-esteem. Read on for ways to feel more comfortable and happy in your own skin, and kick doubt to the curb once and for all.
4 Behaviors That Hurt Your Confidence (And How to Avoid Having Them)
1. Looking to others for approval or acceptance.
Confident people don’t need permission for others in order to live life in their truth; they simply go to their heart for guidance, and allow it to pave their path. They do value other’s opinions and will listen in order to gain more knowledge or a new perspective, but ultimately, they choose their destiny. They won’t let anyone come before their own heart and soul when it comes to how they choose to live.
When you count on someone else to boost you up and make you feel good, you take away your own power. This basically says that you need other people to constantly lift you up and give you confidence, because you don’t or can’t do it yourself. Many people feel insecure for a variety of reasons, but looking to others for approval will only lead you further away from the truth. Commit to really getting to know yourself and your desires.
Then, honor those desires. Forget the opinions of others for a bit, and only focus on bettering your life. The true path to self-acceptance lies in your own heart, and to accept yourself, you must first understand yourself. Take time to truly get to know the person in the mirror, and the more time you spend with yourself, the deeper your relationship with yourself will become.
2. Blaming others for your own shortcomings or mistakes.
Although no one can fully control what happens to them, they can choose how they react to certain situations. If you have confidence, you will take full responsibility for your life and realize that you run the show. No one else will swoop down from the heavens and carry your burdens for you in this life; you’ll have to learn how to manage things on your own eventually. This doesn’t mean you can’t count on others for help, but you should never blame anyone else or wallow in self-pity due to misfortunes.
Confident people only look to themselves for answers, and when they slip up, they can only learn from their mistakes and move on. They don’t judge themselves too harshly, but they also don’t place blame on anyone but themselves.
In order to avoid blaming others for mistakes, you need to truly decide if this behavior even helps you along your journey. Does it really feel good to deny responsibility for your own words and actions? Once you accept that you control your life, you will see that blaming others for your own faults only hurts you more in the long run.
3. Running from things you fear.
Confident people don’t feel scared to accept a challenge or get a little outside their comfort zone; they willingly charge ahead toward new experiences, and get a thrill out of being uncomfortable. They don’t put limits on what they can achieve; they have confidence in themselves and know that every new experience poses an opportunity to grow and learn.
Although facing your fears can feel very scary in the moment, doing things that tear down the walls that your ego constantly tries to rebuild can truly make you a new person. It can change you to the core, and cause a total transformation of the soul. We naturally look for comfort in life, but we can’t really grow if we become stagnant.
You can’t run forever, so choose today to face that next fear on your list. Once you look fear in the eyes, you’ll realize that the only person keeping it alive is you. Put your fears to rest, and understand that the shadows only exist because you breathe life into them.
4. Caring too much what others think of you.
When you care what others think, you live in a place outside your truth. You live for what others will say, not what you say. What you say and do matters little unless someone else approves. Unless someone else stands on the sidelines and cheers you on, what you accomplish in life means nothing. Does this sound like a good way to live? Exactly.
We all are on the journey to self-acceptance together, so we can all learn from one another. We can boost each other up instead of tear each other down, but none of this matters unless we cultivate that feeling within. Next time you find yourself caring what others think, just do or say what you wanted to anyway. The right people will love you, and the wrong people with either try to tear you down or simply ignore you. To those who try to bring you down, give them love or choose to walk away. Either way, you accept that you control your journey, not others.
When you give yourself permission to show the true you to others, you strip away any fear or harsh judgments. You simply allow the universe to flow through you, and stand in the confidence that you’ve worked so hard to attain. You know you have flaws, but doesn’t everyone? The anxiety and fear about what others think needs to stop. Most people don’t even pay that much attention anyway, so you may as well live according to your heart and soul and stop letting the fear and social anxiety cripple you.
You have this body, mind and soul right here, right now. Why waste your existence trying to prove yourself to others or wishing you were someone else?