Many people know what it takes to maintain balanced, happy relationships in life: love, trust, compassion, compromise, laughter, a deep connection, and respect, to name a few. However, many of us don’t recognize unhealthy relationships, even if we are in one.
To cultivate supportive, healthy relationships in life, make sure to avoid the following things that often sabotage them:
20 Things People Don’t Do In a Healthy Relationship
1. Get too serious, too quickly.
It can be tempting to contemplate the future with your partner, but to get there, you must build on the present moment. You have to immerse yourself in the now with that person if you want to make the journey into the future with them. Take things day by day instead, and just enjoy the person’s company without feeling the need to live too far in the future.
2. Use the relationship to fill a void.
Many look to others to distract them from inner problems or heal their pain. While other people can make you feel happy, you should never rely solely on them to alleviate emptiness or loneliness. Become so happy with yourself and your life that a relationship only adds to your happiness, not serves as your only source for it.
3. Never expect challenges or problems to arise.
Some conflicts will inevitably occur in any close relationship. A disagreement here and there does not automatically mean that you and the other person should go your separate ways; rather, it just gives you both opportunities to grow closer and learn from one another.
4. Let the fear of getting hurt overwhelm them.
We all have been hurt somehow, but love will always prevail in the end. If you really feel a connection with someone, see where it leads rather than cutting them off due to past pain. When you hold back, you halt any progression the relationship might make; healthy relationships require openness and vulnerability in order to last in the long run.
5. Withholding the truth.
When asked about the most important quality a person can possess, most people quickly say “trust.” If two people don’t have that, the foundation of the relationship will quickly crumble once the truth finally comes to the surface. Healthy relationships require two people committed to sharing their darkest secrets and most authentic self no matter what.
6. Expressing fake feelings.
Telling a person you just don’t feel the same way can cause discomfort, especially if the other person really likes you. Don’t ever feel wrong for letting them down – being honest with them, no matter how they react, will allow them to move on without getting too heavily invested in the relationship in the first place.
7. Repressing their best self.
If you don’t show other people your authentic nature, they will never get the opportunity to know the real you. By letting your inner light shine through, you will just feel more alive and can better gauge the connection between you and the other person.
8. Waiting for another person to approve who you are.
No one needs the approval to be themselves – we can all express ourselves fully without having to check with someone else for validation. Healthy relationships should consist of two whole, confident people who have worked on creating their best selves and can offer this to someone else without reservation.
9. Holding grudges.
Even people who love you might unintentionally hurt you – to keep a healthy relationship, it requires forgiveness and understanding. Even if the incident means parting ways, letting go of the hurt is the only way to restore inner peace.
10. Living in the past.
Focusing on the wrongdoings and mistakes that people in your past made will only make you feel negative about your current relationship. Let go and leave those relationships where they belong – fixating on prior pain will only cause more to appear…what you resist persists.
11. Expecting their lover always to carry their weight.
People sometimes go through deep struggles that you may not know about. Understand that your partner can still love you, but just be unable to carry the burden of your problems on top of theirs at the moment.
12. Defining people solely by their flaws.
People in healthy relationships lift each other up, not cut each other down. Everyone has imperfections, but they don’t make up the totality of someone’s character. Choose to see the beauty in others, and you will see more of that in yourself.
13. Giving with expectations of receiving.
If you can only give to someone else when they promise something in return, you will always attract self-seeking types of people. Give just because you can, and you will inevitably gain more. The universe will always offer the same energy that you give out.
14. Taking relationships for granted.
People need validation that they matter, even if they have a lot of confidence in themselves. Show or tell people you care. Otherwise, they won’t feel like they make any sort of impact on your life or contribute at all to your happiness.
15. Leaving during tough times.
True relationships can weather any type of storm, and don’t just stick around for the happy times. People in healthy relationships also want to help one another through trying times because they genuinely care.
16. Trying to change the other person.
If you don’t like the other person as they are, you probably should find another partner who aligns more with your own values and personality. Healthy relationships thrive when both people absolutely love one another and can thoroughly enjoy each other’s company.
17. A need to talk (without listening).
Healthy relationships require some talking and a whole lot of listening. Sometimes, the best gift you can give is silence. When you open your heart and ears to listen, you allow a space for the other person to talk openly and really be understood.
18. Staying with someone just because it feels comfortable.
If someone doesn’t encourage you to grow and create yourself by trying new things, it might be time to leave them behind. Relationships should help you reach new heights, not hold you back.
19. Feeling jealous when the other person succeeds.
You should feel happy when other people reach a new goal or accomplish an exciting feat – jealousy leads to self-hatred and will only impede your own growth. People in healthy relationships want to see the other person thrive and support their dreams.
20. Say “yes” all the time just to avoid conflict.
If you only say what the other person wants to hear, you will soon fall out of sync with your intuitive needs. Honor yourself always, even if that means disagreeing with someone. They will probably respect you more for speaking up, and you can usually find a way to compromise with the other person.