We like to believe that our partners have our best intentions at all times. We have to believe that they raise us up, never gossip about us, and support our dreams. But, what happens when you start noticing that who they are with others is not how they are with you? You might be in a toxic relationship and don’t even know it. How much are you willing to tolerate before you can call it quits?
Here are 11 signs your relationship is holding you down:
1. You are constantly trying to make your partner happy.
It’s wonderful to make your partner’s life easier and joyful. It’s part of being in a healthy relationship, however, when it’s not being reciprocated, there is a huge imbalance in the partnership. A union takes two people on the same page, striving towards similar goals. You can have different personalities, dreams, and desires but you make each other happy. If your partner is selfish and doesn’t return the gestures, it’s time you take a look at what he or she is doing in your life.
2. Your partner doesn’t support your dreams.
From the moment you met, you shared with your partner certain ambitions, aspirations and goals. Your partner said the perfect things back then. Now, he or she doesn’t care about your dreams. Your partner might even sabotage any chance of you getting ahead while creating a mountain of doubts. This person might cause you stress and anxiety when you start to think of the future. It’s a masterful way of manipulating you. Remember what makes your heart dance with joy and follow that. If your partner isn’t on board, chances are he or she will never be.
3. Your partner is jealous of your career and advancements.
You are a go-getter. You have always achieved great things. You are striving to make something out of your career, but your partner isn’t following this tenacious attitude. He or she will make you question your limitations and capabilities. Someone who loves you will find the means to support you in every way. Your happiness and achievements are just as important to him/her because they are a part of you.
4. Your partner expects you to give up the things that make you happy.
So you used to paint. You were great at creating the most beautiful paintings. Your partner thinks it’s child play and it is a waste of time. Sadly, you believe him/her. You start to give up all the things that made you feel good about life. Partnership isn’t a death sentence. You should still have your hobbies and your play time. If you find yourself avoiding all the little things that brought you happiness, you are stumping your soul’s purpose. A healthy relationship is about allowing each individual to still keep what fulfills them. Your partner might just be a very selfish individual. Has your partner given up the things that make him/her happy?
5. You cannot enjoy other parts of your life.
If you find yourself in a relationship that feels more like purgatory, listen to your inner guidance. Relationships are about joining and enriching the best parts of two people. It’s not about giving up the things that make you happy. So, if you find that you cannot go meet your friends, or spend more time with your family, or even take a hike alone, then you must check the reason you are still with this person. A person who loves you wants you to continue being you. You shouldn’t change the way you dress, the way you talk or what you used to do outside of the relationship.
6. You and your partner are always fighting.
Has fighting become the only form of communication in your relationship? Fighting is a negative reinforcement. It provides conflicts that go unresolved. Usually, the fighting isn’t about one thing. It becomes the only way the two of you can actually talk. Two people who are constantly bickering at each other can never agree or even agree to disagree.
7. Your partner doesn’t touch you.
You used to make love all the time. Between work and family, making love has become almost non-existent. If there isn’t a medical problem, and you have tried everything to spice it up, but he or she keeps rejecting you, recognize it’s not you. Do not own your partner’s issues, but this is a huge red flag in a relationship. It isn’t so much about the sex, as the attention that comes with a touch here and there, a kiss on the forehead, a moment of hugging and cuddling. These things are important in a relationship. We need nurturing and touch from our significant other.
8. Your partner puts you last on his to-do list.
The entire world gets more attention from your partner than you. You have to make an appointment with your significant other to get things done. If this is the case, step back and recognize you are worth more than anyone in your mate’s life. This is unacceptable. When we love another, we want to do things with them and for them. However, you might be in a relationship with a narcissist.
9. You are scared of your partner.
Sometimes we make excuses for our partner’s behaviors. Our gut tells us that this is wrong, the way he or she behaves. However, we continue to put up with it. If you are scared of your partner, then you need to get professional help. Your partner should be the last person in the world you should fear. He or she should be the person who makes you feel safe and secure. If you are in an abusive relationship, there are many ways to get help. Please do not stay for the sake of fear.
10. Your partner finds judgment and criticism in everything you do.
Manipulation and emotional abuse come in many forms. If you find that your partner is constantly putting you down and making you feel worthless, he/she is not the person for you (or for anyone). You deserve someone who picks your heart up and makes you feel good about who you are. A loving partner won’t be criticizing everything about you. There is a difference between a healthy discussion and being criticized. Your partner should be that one person that makes you feel better than anyone else. Insecurity causes jealousy and judgments. Your partner might actually feel threatened by you and your greatness.
Related article: 5 Behaviors That Attract Toxic Partners (And How To Avoid Having Them)
11. Your partner avoids you.
You have left a hundred messages and texts, but your partner doesn’t answer you. Avoidance is inadmissible in a relationship. When you love another, you make time for them. You make sure they know you exist. If your partner is doing the disappearing act, perhaps this is a perfect opportunity to end things. You don’t need someone who makes you question your behavior, motives, and worth. You work too hard to have to be on top of someone else for attention. You shouldn’t have to beg for love.
When you distant yourself from the focus of a relationship for a little while, you can actually see clearly what is important. You are the only person who knows how you are feeling. Honor those nagging feelings that are whispering to end the relationship. Get help. Seek professional advice and therapy. Ultimately, you know what’s best for you. These behaviors are toxic and needed to be addressed.