What doI deserve?
To “deserve” something (or someone) – in any situation – means you’ve done what’s necessary to earn that something (or someone) based on merit.
Relationships are no different.
Superiority, inequality, and sense of entitlement have no place in a relationship. This doesn’t exclusively apply to intimate relationships, though it’s fair to say that mutual respect takes on far more importance than, say, a business connection.
Perhaps the best word to describe what we deserve in intimacy is respect. Respect for each other’s time, effort, personhood, and other things.
If you’re dissatisfied in a relationship, some contemplation is necessary. If you’ve been true to your word – committed, truthful, and loving – while feeling a deep sense that something is wrong, it’s up to you to uncover the source of this dissatisfaction.
“Don’t be afraid to lose him, because if a man really loves you, he’s not going anywhere.” ~ Steve Harvey
Ten Signs That You Deserve More:
In this article, we’re going to discuss ten signs that you probably deserve more from your relationship.
1. Your partner doesn’t communicate
Time and time again, communication surfaces as the most element of intimacy.
Healthy communication is what enables two people to live with each other in harmony and synchrony. Weak communication disrupts every aspect of the relationship; leading to frustration and resentment.
Elaine Fantle Shimberg, relationship therapist and author of Blending Families, says one possible fix is to “Make an actual appointment with each other…If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.”
2. Your partner is unappreciative
People have different ways of expressing gratitude. Still, one common denominator of most people in relationships is making an effort to show appreciation.
There is no other way to put this: being ungrateful towards your partner is incredibly hurtful and rude. If a thankless partner is a problem, try saying “You’re welcome” the next time you do something – and see how they respond.
3. You’re always making the plans
If your partner goes into hiding whenever some planning is needed, it’s time to nip it in the bud.
There’s one caveat: someone people are bad planners – and their partner assumes this responsibility. That’s cool, as it’s a mutual thing.
But if your partner, say, can’t plan a simple night out for your birthday…yeah.
4. You’re not welcome among family
One of the saddest situations in a marriage or partnership is when one person doesn’t feel welcome in the company of their partner’s family. And this happens all of the time.
Why? Because your partner doesn’t have the wherewithal to set his or her family straight.
That’s, well, that’s unacceptable and weak.
5. They shun responsibility
Please forgive the cliché, but a relationship is hard work.
We all must navigate the ebbs and flows of life, including work and other obligations. Regardless, it doesn’t excuse us from relational responsibilities. Period.
Something needs to change – and fast.
6. They don’t respect your time
In a civilized society, punctuality is a sign of respect. Continuous lateness, or worse, not showing up, demonstrates immaturity, laziness, and even a lack of caring.
How much more important should our partner’s time be?
7. You feel insecure
To clarify, we are discussing (a) your partner’s (real or apparent) lack of commitment and (b) your innate sense of insecurity.
If we feel insecure about our partner’s intentions, we need to regain our peace of mind and have a sincere conversation. It’s essential that we prepare to hear things we may not want to hear, but that’s better than living on-edge.
If you feel insecure around your partner, you must understand this is not a typical feeling. Our loved one is supposed to be a person we’re free to be ourselves around, not watch ourselves around.
8. There’s little physical contact
You know if your partner is not the naturally affectionate type – and that’s ultimately okay. But a kiss, hug, shoulder rub, and the occasional bedroom act should surface from time-to-time.
Physical contact is a manifestation of emotions. The lack thereof is not only profoundly hurtful to the individual’s partner but is entirely irregular.
9. Your partner hides things
Researchers at Texas Tech University found that high respect among partners correlates with the degree and depth of self-disclosure.
Self-disclosure means the things we reveal about ourselves. If your partner is withholding things from you, it erodes the trust that you have as a couple. Diminishing trust can irreparably damage the strength of interconnectedness necessary to make the relationship work.
10. They’re distant
Anyone who has experienced emotional disconnection from someone they love knows how much this separation hurts.
Emotional disconnection is usually followed by physical disconnection – both are forms of distancing oneself within a relationship.
Unless the underlying cause(s) is addressed, the odds are that the relationship will ultimately end.
Final thoughts on Recognizing What You Deserve
The most beautiful element of being human is the unique ability to love and embrace others. No other creature on this planet possesses the capabilities of so profoundly connecting with others within their species.
If and when we experience the dissolving of intimacy with someone we truly love, the impact can send us reeling.
In a beautiful article titled 7 Ways to Save a Struggling Relationship, writer Alexandra Harra elaborates on the reasons for “saving” a fraught relationship. She follows up this heartfelt story by listing the seven ways:
- Re-evaluating the reasons you’re together.
- Doing something special together.
- Cutting out external influences.
- Forgiving each other.
- Coming clean about our mistakes.
- Setting boundaries with one another – and keeping our word.