5 Signs Your Partner Wants You For Sex, Not Love


Your partner is a good lover, but if the love that you get all seems to be physical, you might be wondering if it’s a sign that your partner wants you for sex, not love.

You might think that the stereotype is for men to be more likely to be in it for sex, not love, but researchers in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology say that women are just as interested in casual sexual hookups.

Gender differences in men and women’s ideas about romantic love versus sex were studied by researchers in the journal Personal Relationships. The scientists say ‘Men were more sexually permissive than women (consistent with previous research), although women and men similarly endorsed other aspects of sexuality, including sex as an emotional experience. Men and women differed on several relationship variables (e.g., women were more oriented to friendship-based love, and men to game-playing love).’

Knowing that a woman might be in a sex-only relationship if it lacks friendship and men might be in a sex-only relationship if it lacks some playful pursuit may help you to identify the signs your partner wants you for sex, not love.

Your partner is someone that you enjoy being intimate with, but you want to know that you aren’t being used. No one wants to find out that the love that they thought they had was just lust. Let’s look at the 5 signs that your partner wants you for sex, not love.

5 Signs Your Partner Wants You For Sex, Not Love

1. They have a history of not being able to commit

Are there a lot of short-term relationships in your partner’s past? Maybe he or she has always been the one to leave their relationships in the past rather than getting their own feelings hurt?

The signs that your partner isn’t capable of making a caring, long-term connection with you or anyone else before now is also a sign that they want your for sex, not love.

2. A lack of comfort with emotions

Not feeling comfortable expressing frustration, sadness or worries is a problem, because it also means that your partner doesn’t know how to show you love either.

In his book The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex, David M. Buss says that men and women have different expectations about sharing emotions and fidelity. For example, a woman is more likely to be upset if her partner has an emotional affair with another person. Men, on the other hand, says David, feel that actually having sex with someone else is a more terrible betrayal.

Emotional cheating is real and if your partner won’t open up about his or her emotions to you, it’s a sign that your partner may just want you for sex. Possibly, your partner is sharing their emotions with another potential romantic partner.

Emotional bonding, especially over positive emotions, is important for a romantic relationship that is based on love, not just sex. If your partner is emotionally distant or suppressing emotions, it’s a sign that they are in it for sex, not love.

signs partner is using you for sex

3. You sometimes have sex when you don’t really want to

When your partner is just using you, it’s more likely that you are having sex a lot, and maybe more than you would personally want to. In fact, more than once, you have probably told your partner that you were not in the mood, but they insisted, and you ended up having sex that you were pressured into.

Feeling pressured into sex borders the line on being rape and is very concerning. If you have told your partner a verbal ‘No’ when it comes to sex, and your partner had sex with you anyway against your wishes, that is what constitutes rape in most states, regardless of your marital status.

4. Your partner is unavailable for most of your plans

Dinner? Sorry, your partner has a late meeting, but maybe you could come over later? How about a picnic in the park? No, your partner has other plans that don’t include you, but maybe some snacks in the sheets later?

If your partner starts missing birthdays, holidays and anniversary plans, you can be certain that your relationship is not deep. You begin to get the hint that the only part of your partner’s life that you’ll be involved in is in the bedroom.

5. Your conversations usually turn to flirtations or your partner shuts down

If you refuse to talk dirty with your partner and he or she refuses to talk to you because of it, it’s a sign that your partner wants you for sex, not love. Clearly, they see the relationship talk and texting as foreplay, not intimate bonding.

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