Intimacy with your partner comes in all kinds of ways – from sharing secrets, to late night conversations, and to having sex. Intimacy with your partner is an important part of everyone’s everyday life. Unfortunately, research has shown that we, as a society, are less satisfied with sex, and less and less people are having sex. It seems strange that such a primal, human need seems to be falling out of fashion.
“One thing I’ve learned in all these years is not to make love when you really don’t feel it; there’s probably nothing worse you can do to yourself than that.” – Norman Maile
The problem is how society and media are starting to view sex, which can mean that people have a skewed vision of how sex should be. This can make having sex less enjoyable. However, science has shown that there are ways to have better sex, and get people back on the right track of having that important intimacy in their lives.
Here Are 4 Ways To Have Better Sex, According To Science
1. Integrate sex into your life
Research has found that one of the main reasons that people are having less enjoyable sex – and thus, less sex – is because society often views sex as something that’s separated from the person. That is to say, one of the keys to better sex is to integrate sex and your passion for sex into your everyday life.
The goal is to minimize the conflict that one’s passion for sex has with other areas of your life. When sex is isolated from the person, it’s almost too easy to disassociate sex as something that’s important and intimate. If sex is something that coexists in harmony with the rest of your life, you’ll find that you start to have better sex.
2. Spontaneous sex
Science has proven that when people have an easier time integrating sex into their everyday lives, they also regain a passion for spontaneous sex. Being intimate with your partner doesn’t mean setting aside a time one night of the week, just before bedtime. Sex should be an expression of your love to your partner, but it should also be fun.
People who don’t have a good harmony with sex integrated into the rest of their lives may have a harder time feeling comfortable having joyous and spontaneous sex. Learning how to have natural, spontaneous sex with your partner will increase both your and your partner’s enjoyment of sex.
“People tend to wait until they feel sexy before initiating sex. The issue with this is that during different times in your life, you will have more or less desire for sex. Rather than waiting, learn what turns you on and intentionally do things to put yourself in the mood,” says marriage and family therapist and psychotherapist Angela Lee Skurtu.
3. Lower conflict in your relationship
Having little to no conflict in a relationship is both a cause of better sex as well as an effect of having better sex. Psychotherapist Bill Cloke says, “Nothing kills desire more than arguments that are not solved or if they are too frequent. Anger and desire cancel each other out.”
Conflict happens in all kinds of relationships, not just romantic or intimate ones. However, knowing how to accurately deal with that conflict can help a couple have an easier time being intimate.
Not only that, but couples who have low conflict in their relationships also develop better communication, which can make sex more enjoyable in and of itself. Couples who have more harmony in their relationship will have an easier time having sex that is intimate, spontaneous and joyful, which will overall lead to better and more enjoyable sex.
4. Have control over sexual desire
Another thing that happens when couples have an easier time integrating sex into their everyday lives, is that they have great control over their sexual desires. Research and science shows that those who have greater control over their sexual desires have better, more satisfying sex lives.
Those who have less control over their sexual desire may start to view sex as a goal, rather than an act to bring two people together in an intimate way. When people start to view sex as a goal, it can inhibit the amount of enjoyment that they can feel during the act.
Sex should be both intimate and fun. When people are no longer enjoying sex, it means that something has to change. Both women and men suffer when it comes to how society has started to view sex, and having good sex is more than just about spicing things up in the bedroom.
Luckily, science has researched exactly the kind of things that can help people get back on track with their sex lives, and ensure that couples are having more satisfying and enjoyable sex. While it may not be the same as trying a new position, it will ensure that couples will have sex that is enjoyable and intimate, no matter the position.