Social media, fictional media, and other sources of romantic goals have created numerous unrealistic expectations for relationships. Many obsess over finding the perfect person who meets every one of their desires. Unfortunately, that’s not possible. The truth is that the ideal person doesn’t exist!
Seeking the perfect person can leave you unable to find a long-term partner, or it might put you in a string of unhappy relationships. Worse still, it could make you project an idealized version of a partner onto something you meet. This notion could subject them to severe expectations that might harm them and you all at once.
For believers in soulmates and true love, learning that the perfect person doesn’t exist can be a blow to hopes and dreams. But you don’t need a “perfect” individual to have a lifelong, happy, and healthy relationship that you’re proud to be in. In other words, the perfect person doesn’t exist, but you can still have a great relationship! How? Read on to find out.
1. How To Build A Great Relationship Despite The Fallacy Of A Perfect Person
Great relationships are a result of a lot of hard work. Of course, this effort doesn’t mean that they feel like a chore. But it does mean that great relationships don’t spawn out of anywhere. You and your partner must put in the effort to build a genuine relationship on a healthy foundation. This groundwork will create a harmonious, love-filled partnership!
· Begin With Purpose
A relationship will best thrive on a solid foundation built by both partners. When you make decisions for the development of the relationship, you should both make them with purposeful and mindful thought. Many people fall into the trap of “sliding” into the following stages of their relationships, say studies. They unintentionally end up following an incremental progression of relationships without really thinking about it.
For example, you might label yourself partners simply because you’ve gone on five successful dates, not because you both have sat down and discussed making yourselves official. It sounds silly, but starting a relationship with purpose and developing it based on active decision-making is crucial to a great, realistically built relationship. It keeps you both on the same page so you can grow together!
· Make Time For Quality Time
You want to spend all your time together at the beginning of a relationship. But as time goes on, this can sometimes fade into the background. This shift can damage the quality of a relationship, and you can start to feel like you have nothing in common, driving home the idea that your partner isn’t the perfect person for you. So make sure that you always make time for each other! Put away the phones and games and meet face-to-face to talk and hang out. Have fun together, try new things, and make sure you’re both making time for each other.
· Show Appreciation For The Perfect Person For You
One of the leading causes of breakups is one or both partners feeling unappreciated through a shortfall of attention or affection. This is according to research. Showing appreciation is varied and should be adapted to suit your partner’s preferences. The goal is to make them feel loved. They may not be a perfect person because no one is. Instead, trust they are the perfect person to complete your life. Don’t let them forget that, and your relationship will flourish.
2. The Importance Of Communication
You’ve likely heard repeatedly that communication is crucial to a healthy relationship. Although it’s almost a cliche statement, it’s also a very true one. It’s easy to fall into expecting your partner to read your mind or make assumptions about them based on your own experiences and feelings.
Many ideas of a “perfect” relationship involve a partner who “just knows” what to say and do. This expectation is incredibly unrealistic. The fact is that every single person is unique in the way they think, feel, and perceive the world. They’re all shaped by their own past experiences.
As a result, how you react to something is not necessarily how your partner reacts to something. Things important to you are things they may not have thought about, and vice versa. If you don’t tell your partner your wants and needs, they may never figure them out. And their way of showing love and appreciation may not be read by you as expressions of affection, causing you to miss their attempts at displaying love.
The importance of communication cannot be overstated. Here are some tips for maintaining a healthy, open dialogue between partners:
· Communicate With That Perfect Person For You Through Conflicts
Conflict is going to arise in any relationship. This is why it’s not the existence of fights that determines the greatness of a relationship. It’s the way you communicate through these conflicts that matters, says research. When you’re angry at a partner, it’s easy to lash out, say unproductive things, get closed off, cross boundaries, or wear yourself out.
For conflict to remain productive, you must continue to communicate healthily. Say what you feel in a way that doesn’t blame your partner, then listen to your partner closely when they speak. Continue to validate each other and try to practice empathy, taking each other in good faith and seeking to understand each other as a priority.
· No Guessing Games!
There’s a false idea that your partner should know what you want. There’s an even more false idea that telling your partner what you want them to do diminishes its value. You might feel that if you ask your partner for something and do it, they’ll only be doing it because you asked, not because they want to. But here’s the truth: people express love in different ways.
Your partner may not know how you best want to receive love, and their natural love language may leave you wanting. The second they realize what you desire, they’ll do it – not because you asked, but because they want to show your love. So don’t play with hints or make your partner guess. They can’t read your mind! Be direct and communicative for the best results.
· Be A Good Listener
Communication is about more than just talking. It’s also about listening to your partner’s thoughts. Engage with your partner’s voice and focus on them entirely when they speak. The goal of listening is to come away with understanding, so listen to understand. Don’t listen with the intent of responding or replying, even if the communication is something you might not want to hear. Focus on empathy above all else!
3. How To Overcome Unreasonable Expectations Of A Perfect Person
It’s difficult to overcome the natural conditioning to seek “one true love” in the form of a perfect person. Even when you’re trying not to think this way, you may still have unreasonable expectations and projects regarding the people you date. Here are some tips for overcoming those unjustified expectations:
· Be Ready For Ups and Downs
Your relationship will have good times and bad times. There will be moments where you feel more distant, rough patches, and other difficult periods. You’ll have fights and make mistakes since neither of you is perfect. But you’ll also have more good days than bad ones, and you’ll have a life filled with love, which is well worth it. Don’t lose sight of all the ups because of a few downs! It’s normal to have bad points in relationships. As long as you work on those issues together, you’ll be fine.
· Expect To Give And Take
Partnerships are all about compromise. You can’t have your way 100% of the time. Many people who want the perfect person feels slighted whenever they have to give or sacrifice something for their partner. As unfortunate as it is, you will have to make compromises, as will your partner, to keep the relationship healthy. Instead of focusing on “winning,” focus on cooperation and compromise. Try to find a win-win!
· Check Yourself For Double Standards
When you expect your partner that they’re not meeting, check to see if it’s reasonable by using yourself as a gauge. Have you lived up to those expectations recently? Would you react well if someone made these demands on you? If you were your partner, would you be able to meet those standards with all their daily stressors and baggage? If you realize there’s a double standard, it’s time to drop the expectation.
We’ve established that many popularized relationship expectations are unhealthy and unfeasible. But that doesn’t mean you should have no relationship expectations or preferences. It’s okay to have ideas of what you’re looking for in a long-term partner. If those expectations are reasonable and fair, they can save you a lot of heartbreak.
In other words, while the perfect person doesn’t exist, there will be people who aren’t the right fit for you. This may be due to irreconcilable differences in core opinions or values. It may be because you’re not compatible due to personalities, stages of growth, emotional maturity, or healing from past experiences. It may be because you have very different ideas about the future.
Knowing how to set and uphold healthy but realistic relationship expectations sets the stage for a great relationship. You should not expect perfection, and you should be willing to build a relationship and grow together with someone. But you should also have some expectations and standards for your health and happiness.
Finding the balance here is essential! Work hard on building a great relationship, utilizing communication, and overcoming unreasonable expectations without removing realistic, healthy desires.
Final Thoughts On How To Have A Great Relationship Without Expecting To Find A Perfect Person
The quest for a perfect person has been doomed from the start. There is simply no such thing. Instead, you must build great relationships, communicate, and overcome unreasonable expectations to live harmoniously with a partner.
It’s a harsh lesson to learn, especially if you’ve had these desires for perfection for your whole life. But look on the bright side! Sure, a perfect person may not exist, but imperfect people always build lifelong happy relationships!