Having sociable and stable friendships is vital to your happiness. However, what if you have a friend showing signs that perhaps they’re more against you than for you? A good friend weathers many of life’s storms alongside you and remains close. But a fair weather friend bolts at the first chance they get.
A person who is for you will celebrate your victories, cry with you during times of sorrow, and be there when you need advice. A fair weather friend is someone who is there for you only when it’s convenient for them. Not every person can be elevated to the status of “best friend.”
However, you must be able to distinguish between someone who has your best interests at heart and someone toxic. There are too many people out there who want to be a friend with no strings attached, so never waste your time on those who use and abuse you. You deserve so much better.
Twelve Signs of a Fair Weather Friend
Everyone goes through bad times, and your friends have circumstances that might keep them tied up. Nevertheless, someone who is genuinely in your corner will stand beside you, encourage you, and wants to spend time together.
Here are fifteen signs that someone is a fair weather friend. If you notice any of these red flags, you should confront them. If they refuse to change, then set them free.
1. A Fair Weather Friend Is Two-Faced
You, no doubt, share secrets with your friend. However, what if this person tells your most private details to someone else? You don’t need someone in your life who isn’t trustworthy or who talks about you when you’re not around.
Your friend should build you up to others and never tear you down. If you’ve gotten word that a friend is two-faced, don’t trust them with anything. The last thing you want is your private information being spread on social media or around your city.
2. They Must Be the Center of Attention
There’s nothing more annoying than someone who won’t let you speak. They act like they can’t waste their time hearing what you have to say, so they interject. You can’t get a word into any conversation because they won’t let you.
It’s pathetic when people do this as it shows no respect. Don’t let people talk over you, and you must call them out the next time it happens. You deserve to speak your mind, so tell them you’re have something to say, and they need to be quiet until you’re finished.
3. A Fair Weather Friend Does Not Defend You
Part of being a friend is being eager to defend those you love. However, if you notice that your friend won’t stand up for you, they’re not being a good friend. If they let people stand around and talk about you, then you need to set them free.
4. Cracks Jokes at Your Expense
Have you ever been with a group of people, and your friend cracks a joke at your expense? It’s a terrible feeling to realize that someone you thought was in your corner is tearing you down. Someone who is a so-called friend will never belittle or embarrass you.
5. They’re Never Present in the Moment
With the advances in technology comes all sorts of devices that are time wasters and make people more antisocial. Have you ever been out with a friend who can’t put their phone down long enough to engage in conversation? Maybe they’re scrolling social media or texting other friends.
What they’re saying loud and clear is that you’re not worth their time, and they have much better things to do than talk to you. Don’t let them treat you this way; tell them how rude this behavior is and that you want and deserve their full attention.
6. Fair Weather Friends Never Encourage or Celebrate With You
If you get a job promotion at work or something else in your life goes great, they won’t praise you or pat you on the back. Rather, they will brush over this event like it never happened. The problem is that the fair weather friend may have narcissistic tendencies.
According to the National Library of Medicine, someone with a narcissistic personality disorder lacks empathy. They also want all the attention to be on themselves. They don’t want to pat you on the back because something great happened to you and not them.
7. They Discourage You From Potentially Good Things
Whenever you need to make decisions in life or are afraid to try new things, it’s your friends that give you that gentle nudge. Everyone needs someone in their corner cheering them on to step outside their comfort zone. However, a fair weather friend will discourage you from taking any risks.
No, they’re not scared you will fail, but they’re frightened you will succeed. See, the fair weather friend doesn’t want you to do better than them, and they would rather keep you where you are than to see you one-up them.
8. Fair Weather Friends Knock You Down
If you’re having a good day, the toxic friend can’t stand it. They will say or do something to make you feel bad so that they can have someone to enjoy their misery within life. Do you need someone like this as a friend?
9. They’re Unreliable
If you need help, they’re nowhere to be found. However, if they need assistance, then you better clear your schedule for their needs. If you make plans with them, they will be late or ghost you.
10. Their Promises Are Fake
If your “so-called” friend agrees to go somewhere, pay back the money they borrowed, or do something special, they won’t follow through. This person is known for making grand promises but never producing anything. They break more promises than they keep, and you can tell they don’t honestly care about you.
11. A Fair Weather Friend Never Says They’re Sorry
The words “I’m sorry” will never come out of their mouth. They have such an inflated view of themselves that they don’t believe they should ever apologize. A fair weather friend will never admit they are wrong. Moreover, they refuse to acknowledge the error of their ways.
Even if you give them solid proof, they will turn it around on you. This is another sign of a person with a narcissistic or selfish personality. Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D. from Psychology Today, recently wrote an article on Understanding Narcissism.
She writes that people can be divided into three distinct categories: givers, takers, and controllers. The narcissists are in the taker and controller categories. You can’t be friends with someone selfish as friendships are about give and take.
12. They Steal Your Limelight
The fair weather friend cannot stand the thought of you being the center of attention. If they feel like you’re stealing their thunder, then they will do anything in their power to take the attention from you.
13. Calls or Texts Are Never Returned
They only want to engage with you when they need something, so don’t count on them to answer phone calls or texts. It can be days or even weeks before they get back to you. If your messages aren’t significant enough to even be acknowledged, do you need this person in your life?
14. Belittling Your Feelings Is Commonplace
Your feelings are significant, and a good friend would never disrespect or belittle them. When a person doesn’t care about you, they have no problem putting you down. A true friend is there for you when the going gets tough, and this person doesn’t deserve you.
15. A Fair Weather Friend Will Monopolize Your Time
Another sign of toxic friendships is that they monopolize your time. If you’re at a party or family outing with them, they want your full attention. They get mad if you talk or make plans with someone else, as they think you can’t have any friendships but theirs.
Final Thoughts on the Fair Weather Friend
Do you have any friends that have the characteristics listed above? It’s normal for people to display some of these habits when they’re going through something rough, but if this is a common occurrence for this individual, then it’s an issue. It’s possible your friend is not aware of how they treat you, and you need to remind them what you expect from a friendship.
If they’re unwilling to change, or they don’t validate your concerns, then it’s time to cut the ties. Do you need someone in your life who isn’t cheering you on, isn’t there for you when you need them, and isn’t willing to drop everything when you’re in trouble? Wave goodbye to the fair-weather friends as you don’t need the drama.
Additionally, there are so many good and decent people who will be the friend you need. It would help if you didn’t waste your time on people who will do nothing but bring you down.