“Sorry, you failed.” These three little words make even the most confident person feel utterly discouraged. No one likes to fail, but it’s something everybody experiences in their life. Getting over your failure is vital. Here are thirteen tips to help ease your mind when you must deal with struggles.
Is struggling a good thing?
Researchers suggest that failure has some positive side effects. They say failure gives you a learning experience that you wouldn’t have otherwise. You can’t avoid failure, but if you view failure as a chance for self-improvement, you won’t be as devastated when it happens.
Thirteen ways to ease your mind when you have struggles
If you are struggling to accept the outcome of recent events, take a moment to relax. Soothe your mind by remembering these tips.
1 – Accept how you feel
After an enormous failure, it’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions. You may struggle with anger, despair, doubt, and fear in a short period. Failure is an emotionally disorienting experience. Some people don’t like dealing with their emotions. When they fail, they push away their feelings. But pushing away feelings is like putting a tiny bandage on a big gash on your arm. The bandaid may stop the bleeding for a few seconds, but eventually, you’re going to bleed out if you don’t take care of the gash. Don’t bleed out. Accept the fact that you’re damn disappointed you didn’t make the team. Don’t you feel better now?
2 – Don’t take failure personally
Failing feels like it attacks your person, but failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It’s a temporary setback in a particular area. Whether you failed an exam or didn’t get the job promotion you wanted, failing isn’t a stop sign. Failure is a yield sign. Yield means to slow down. When you fail, slow down and sort out what happened. What should you do next? Should you pursue a different route? Should you try again later? Most of all, ease your mind by reminding yourself you’re not a failure. You tried something, and it didn’t work out as you hoped.
3 – Take responsibility
You probably know people who fail at something, and instead of taking responsibility, they blame everybody else. They say it was the teacher’s fault they failed a test, or the referee made a bad call. They aren’t to blame for any part of the failure. Of course, there may be outside factors contributing to your struggles, but good chance you may have a role to play in it.
Evaluate what you could have done differently. Was there something you did or didn’t do that contributed to the failure? Ease your mind by taking responsibility, and then let go of rest.
4 – Don’t worry about others’ opinions
It’s easy to let your failure get tied up with what others think about you. What will your parents say when you tell them you failed the exam? What will your co-workers think of you when they hear you didn’t get promoted? Don’t let what others think about you control you. Resist doing things based on others’ approval. Ease your mind by remembering that the people who love you are for who you are, not whether you succeed or fail.
5 – Failure: 101
Did you ever consider that failure is like a classroom? In the failure class, you learn new things about yourself, how you handle problems, and how you find answers to your questions. Failure can put a fire in your bones. It’s a tutor to those who will listen and learn. If you give up, you never know. So, set your mind on what you can learn from failing.
6 – Be resilient
According to psychologists, resilience is having the emotion and mental strength to cope with a crisis. It possesses mental toughness that helps you make good choices and protect yourself from the harmful effects of stress. When you fail, it’s essential to be resilient. Don’t let failure reroute your dreams or ambitions. In her song, Get Up, Cardi B explains resiliency like this,
Knock me down, nine times, but I get up ten. Look myself in the mirror, I say we gon’ win. Knock me down, nine times, but I get up ten Yeah, but I get up ten.
When you struggle, choose to be someone who gets up after being knocked down instead of quitting. Your resilience will pay off down the road.
7 – Don’t be too hard on yourself
When you fail, it may tempt you to get angry at yourself. Feeling irritated and critical of yourself gets you nowhere. And self-punishment won’t change the situation. Accept that you failed. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Ease your mind by extending yourself a little grace. That’s what you would do for someone else in the same position. Ask yourself these questions:
- What lies am I believing about myself, my life, or my future right now?
- Who am I scared to tell?
- What am I most discouraged about?
- What am I afraid of?
- Where can I find hope right now?
- How does this change my life right now?
8 – Get exercise
You may feel like crawling under your bed covers and staying there for days, but you won’t feel better. It’s more likely that staying in bed will make you feel more depressed and unhappy. Even though you’re struggling with failure, try to get yourself out of bed and outside for a walk. Studies show that being physically active improves your life’s well-being and lifts your spirit. Other benefits of physical exercise include
- Certain cancers
- Heart disease
- Better sleep
Exercise eases depression. It makes you feel happier. Start small. One day, take a short walk. The next day, take another walk, and another one. Before you know it, you’ll be walking miles. Good chance you’ll also be feeling better about your life.
9 – Skip the junk food
When you’re feeling anxious, it’s easy to grab junk food like sugary candy, fatty ice cream, or salty chips to ease your mind. Junk food is high in fat and sugar. You feel worse when you eat junk food, which you don’t need right now. Instead, try whipping up something nutritious that you love. Invite a friend over to eat with you. Or go out to a health-oriented restaurant with your family. Eat yummy fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grain fibrous carbohydrates, and lean meats. Drink lots of freshwater instead of alcohol or sweet sodas. Don’t let failure make you unhealthy.
10 – Treat yourself to some pampering
After an epic failure, take some time to pamper yourself. It would be best if you let go of the tension and anxiety associated with loss. Whether you get a pedicure or a new haircut, find something to make you feel better balanced in life. Other things you can do to pamper yourself could be
- Play music and dance around your house
- Get on some comfy clothes and watch your favorite television show
- Light some candles and enjoy a nice warm bath
- Give yourself a facial
- Get a massage
11 – Get support
When you need to ease your mind after an epic failure, reach out to a trusted friend or family member. Choose someone who has been an excellent sounding board for you over the years. Explain what happened and how you’re feeling. Listen to their perspective and allow yourself to experience their care and support. Check in with these folks periodically to give them an update on how you’re doing.
12 – Escape with a good book
Reading is a beautiful way to ease your mind. When you read, it’s like escaping to another time or place for a while. It’s probably not a good idea to read a sad story right now. Choose a novel with wonderful characters who make you feel like you know them. As you dive into a book, you’ll get a little break from your problems. And who knows, you may get inspiration from the book for what you’re going through.
13 – Look at the future
Failure can make you feel stuck. It may have messed up your plans, and now you’re not sure what to do. That’s okay. Take it one day at a time and one step at a time. Look to the future and keep pursuing your goals. You may need to try a different approach or retake an exam. The main thing is, look forward to your future and you’ll find it.
Final thoughts on finding ways to ease your mind when you face struggles or failure
There will be many twists and turns in your life. One of them will be a failure, and it will add a dimension to your story you didn’t expect. Struggling doesn’t cancel out your story. It gives your story depth and color. Remember, failure doesn’t define who you are, but your struggles can help you become a more determined person.