Everybody has undesirable characteristics that make them unattractive, but did you know that these things can threaten your relationships? How often did you get asked out on the first date, but you never made it to the second one? Your undesirable traits may be to blame, as they can drive people away.
Think back over your life about when you were passed up for a good job or had significant upheavals and broken relationships that you never understood. Your method of interacting with others can make you seem attractive or unattractive to others.
Now, you must realize that no one is perfect, and everyone has a toxic trait or two floating around, but it’s essential that you get these things under control for your long-term happiness.
Twenty Harmful Habits That Drive People Away
Do you know when you’re behaving poorly enough to make a shift to your mindset? Perhaps you’re oblivious to what’s going on and need some direction. Here are some of the most common traits that drive people away and what you can do to resolve them.
1. Being Self-Absorbed Will Drive People Away
Self-absorbed individuals think of themselves more so than others. The chances are that you don’t realize you’re behaving this way. However, it could be one primary reason no one wants to spend time with you.
According to Dr. Leon F. Seltzer from Psychology Today, being self-absorbed is a psychological dysfunction. He furthers states that this is commonly observed manners in pathological narcissism.
To fix this behavior, act engaged about other people’s lives and talk less about yourself and your daily occurrences. Additionally, the help of a psychiatrist might be necessary as there could be an underlying personality disorder.
2. You’re Insecure
Do you constantly need someone to affirm you and bring comfort to your problems? It’s very annoying when you’re always insecure and need validation, and people don’t like friends that need to be supported continually.
While everyone has things about themselves that they don’t like, you need to love yourself for who you are in life. Start working on your insecurities to become a better person.
3. Being Rude Could Drive People Away
No matter how justified you feel in being rude, it’s never okay to be unkind to others. If you’re known for making a big scene, becoming loud, calling names, or kicking up a ruckus in public, then you could drive people away.
To fix this, learn to be silent even when you’re dying to say something. It’s wise to observe more and talk less. If you’re constantly being rude, then you need to examine yourself and see why you feel the need to lash out at others.
4. Envious of Others
Jealousy is often dubbed the green-eyed monster because it’s a complicated feeling to engage in. If you have high expectations of yourself, you’re going to fall flat every time. Start being thankful for what you do have, and all the blessings given by the Universe.
Remember that life is not a competition, and you’re not measuring progress. Live the best life you can for yourself and your family.
5. A False Victimhood Mindset May Drive People Away
One of the worst people to be around is someone who is constantly playing the victim. Everyone has things in their life that have hurt them or caused significant trauma, but you learn how to rise above these things.
You must stop complaining and see yourself as a whole person and not someone who’s broken into a million pieces. Get counseling if it helps you process what’s happened and learn to move past it.
6. Cheating and Cutting Corners
You’re never going to win if you cheat and cut corners. These are deliberate behaviors that you do by choice, so don’t make excuses for them.
If you want people to love and respect you, you will make sure you don’t do immoral things. Cheating can be considered fraud, and it’s also not being honest with yourself or those around you.
A conceited person is just as wrong as one who is self-centered. No one wants to know how much you paid for your home or what’s in your bank account. Focus on being humble and leaving the dollars and cents out of your conversations.
8. The Outside is More Important Than the Inside
Don’t put a lot of focus on what’s on the outside, but you need to concentrate your energy on perfecting the inside. The clothes you wear, the hairstyle, or the purse you carry isn’t going to define you as a person. However, how you treat people will be what individuals use to judge you. Be kind!
9. Lacking Empathy Could Drive People Away
Empathy for others is essential. You must have compassion for those around you. Never engage in behaviors like backstabbing or cruelty for any reason, as it only shows how insensitive you’re being.
When someone is hurting, go out of your way to step into their shoes and understand their situation. Sometimes, you need to dig deep to find that compassion that lies within you.
10. Constantly Needing Validation
It’s exhausting to be around people who always need the validation of others. You don’t have to prove your worth, which is very draining to those around you. Stop being overly concerned with how you look to others, as you must love you for you.
According to an article published by MSN, social media has fueled the fires of those who need validation. Some folks will base their decisions and life around the approval of others. Dr Kocchar was consulted on the article, and he states that these attention-seeking behaviors often begin in childhood due to issues of neglect or other traumas. Stop fishing for compliments and learn to make your own choices based on what makes you happy.
11. You Are Unreliable
When you say you’re going to do something, you must do it. People hate when someone isn’t reliable, and you won’t make many friends when they can’t count on you.
12. Stubborn Perfectionism
Perfectionism is the folly of many, as it causes you to become moody and never content. Remember that no one is perfect, and life is full of evolutions. Be patient and stop demanding so much of yourself. Not only will this behavior drive others away, but it will drive you crazy.
13. Being Overly Competitive Might Drive People Away
It’s good to have a minor competitive nature as it helps you accomplish things. However, making constant comparisons with others can be dangerous. You don’t have to “one-up” your neighbor, and you must learn that if you have less or more doesn’t matter. Life’s journey is about helping each other along the way.
14. Can’t Let Go of Things
Why can’t people just let things go? Sure, change isn’t an easy process, but it’s healthy to let go of the things that hold you back. Try refocusing your thoughts and learning to change your mindset, as it will help you release feelings you harbor inside.
No one wants to hang around people who are moody and pessimistic all the time. It would help if you started by having an attitude adjustment. Cynical people aren’t happy, and you can always find things to be thankful for and happy about.
16. You May Drive People Away If You Are Judgmental
A judgmental person is looking at everyone else and pointing out their faults and failures, so they can avoid looking at their own. If you engage in this behavior, you likely have some serious issues that you need to fix.
When someone is having trouble, why not reach down your hand to them rather than judge them? Your high expectations will drive people away for sure.
No one likes a liar, and remember that your lies will always come to the forefront. Be honest no matter how much it hurts, and don’t hide behind stories and other creative tales you make to escape the truth. If you want to drive people away, then dishonestly is the one way to do it.
18. No Emotional Self-Control
If you can’t manage your emotions, you’re like a bomb waiting to explode. People don’t like being around hot-headed folks, and they don’t want to be associated with individuals who lose their cool constantly. You’re likely stressed out, have too much on you, and have some anger issues. Counseling and self-care can work wonders to get these emotions under control.
19. There’s No Line Between Friends and Enemies
You don’t make any comparisons between friends and enemies, as you see them both in the same category. Stop picking fights with others and learn to trust people for once. It would help if you were rooting for your friends and not waiting for them to stab you in the back.
20. You Might Drive People Away if You Take Things too Personally
Do you think that everything said or done is directly targeted at you? You must realize that many people say and do things more centered around themselves, and they’re not usually a direct insult towards you. However, you need to learn to accept constructive criticism if it’s done with the right attitude.
If you want to have a healthy life and be productive, you will learn to stop letting the opinions of others define your feelings.
Final Thoughts on Harmful Habits That Drive People Away
Do you see any of these toxic behaviors on this list that you struggle with in your life? Even the best people have some deep-buried personality flaws that sneak up on you occasionally. The key to fixing these issues is to be aware of them, and once you recognize the things that drive people away, you can stop these behaviors and develop new, healthier ones.