If your relationship is built on lies, it will never stand. A dishonest partner can make your life miserable, especially if you receive their deceptions. A toxic partner is challenging to have a relationship with, as you can’t trust them with anything. Once you realize that you’re dealing with someone who isn’t authentic, you must take steps to protect yourself. While you might let a few little white lies slide by, you should address this significant matter. Someone with tendencies to lie pathologically can mess with your mind and cause turmoil in the home.
Fifteen Ways to Handle a Dishonest Partner
You must take action if you love someone who lies continuously. The longer you let this drag out, the more significant the issue. You deserve better than this for yourself, so here are 15 ways that you can deal with this serious situation.
1. Call Out a Dishonest Partner
While calling them out on each lie may seem a big deal, you mustn’t let it slide. When you allow someone to be untruthful with you and don’t stand up for yourself, you’re sending the message that it’s okay.
Each time they lie to you and you don’t confront them, they will think they’ve got away with it. They will continue this pattern until they have a reason to stop.
2. Weigh What These Deceptions Have Cost You
Are the lies towards you, or are they towards other things? For instance, are they lying to avoid getting into trouble, or are they lying to hide infidelities against you? Each lie has a cost, and some have higher values than others.
Are these lies directly affecting you, or are you just an innocent bystander? Identifying the rationale behind them can help you determine your next steps.
3. Consider Your Options With Your Toxic Partner
It’s only natural for dishonest people to expect you to fly off the handle. However, you want to avoid knee-jerk reactions as they will only worsen things. A toxic partner expects you to act irrationally, so you want to react differently.
The last thing you want to do is pour gasoline on the fire, so you should think before you speak.
4. Focus on the Current Dishonest Actions, Not the Past
When dealing with a dishonest partner, you must focus only on the actions. Don’t start bringing up past transgressions that happened years ago. Try to keep the finger-pointing and condemning to a minimum, no matter how much you feel they deserve such treatment.
It would help if you got to the core reason they’re acting this way, as it will help you determine your next step. According to BBC Science Focus Magazine, a study found that many people lie to protect the feelings of others, to make themselves appear more important, to cover personal transgressions, or when there’s something to gain.
Then, some people lie for the sake of lying. They have no motive but to lie about anything and everything out of habit.
5. Be Direct With a Dishonest Partner
Dealing with a toxic partner isn’t easy, so you need to make sure you’re direct. Don’t skirt around the issue and try to sugarcoat things. Ask them specific questions about the deception and tell them how you feel.
6. Never Let a Toxic Partner Minimalize Their Action
They will automatically go into defense mode when you become offensive to them. The dishonest person minimizes the action by passing it off as a white lie.
The smaller they make the infraction, the easier it is for you to buy into their story. They’re not being authentic with you or themselves, so don’t allow these minimalizing behaviors.
7. Will They Own Up to It?
The toxic partner has a problem with being authentic, so they will likely tell another lie to get out of the one they got caught in. Part of the decision-making process on whether you stay or leave may be their ability to own up to it. A partner who will admit their dishonesty and try to make amends is a lot different than one who keeps lying even when confronted.
8. Ask a Friend or Counselor for Help
Since the dishonest partner often traffics in lies and is the master of deception, it’s normal to feel confused. Getting a third-party view of what’s going on can be helpful.
Having an unbiased person look at the situation from the outside can give you a fresh perspective. If an inauthentic partner constantly manipulates you, it’s easier for another person to see this behavior.
9. Trust Your Gut
You have gut instincts that help guide you through this life. You should learn to trust these instincts, which will lead you on the right path. If something doesn’t feel quite right, you will often feel it in the pit of your stomach.
When dealing with your dishonest partner, do you feel like they’re being authentic with you? Perhaps, you have that sinking feeling that they’re telling you a big story to escape punishment. They might fear you will leave them if they can’t make you see things from their point of view.
10. Beware of Blame Shifting by a Dishonest Person
If you have a toxic partner with little scruples, they may try to shift the blame back to you. It’s not uncommon for people to try to blame someone else when they’re caught. A stand-up person will admit their wrongdoings, ask for forgiveness, and move on.
If they value your relationship, they will be willing to have counseling or whatever it takes to fix things. Someone who shifts the blame back to you isn’t being honest. It’s a pattern often seen by dishonest and toxic folks.
11. Set Firm Boundaries
One of the best things you can do to protect yourself from your dishonest partner is to set boundaries. Tell them you’re not going to put up with such behavior. Draw a line in the sand and tell them that you’re done if they cross it again!
The toxic partner will only change their ways when they feel they have no choice. If they value you and your relationship, they will seek help.
12. Realize Pathological Lying Won’t Stop Overnight
According to the National Library of Medicine, pathological liars cannot stop this behavior quickly. It’s become habitual, and there are believed to be neurological aspects that come into play. The study found more gray matter in the prefrontal lobes that could be to blame.
While this may be a reason, the person still has the power to change this behavior if they choose to be an authentic person. So, don’t expect miracles in the blink of an eye. Someone who tells one lie will keep on lying until they conquer this bad habit.
13. Don’t Try to Fix a Dishonest Partner
You must tell yourself that you can’t fix the dishonest person. A tiger doesn’t change their stripes, and you can’t repair someone that doesn’t have the desire to do so. You must realize that this is something they must do for themselves and the sake of your relationship, and your push means very little.
It’s similar to someone with a substance abuse disorder. No one can want them to kick the habit, as it only works when they decide it’s time for a change.
14. Be Honest with Yourself
If you’ve learned anything from your interactions with a dishonest person, you need to be authentic with yourself. Don’t set yourself up for failure, as you know when things aren’t going to change.
You can lie about the situation, as it’s just another deceptive act. You know deep inside whether or not this toxic partner is the one for you, but you need the strength to handle the situation correctly.
15. Know When to Walk Away From a Toxic Partner
It’s always hard to give up on someone you love. While you care about them, you may be at the end of your rope with their dishonesty. Trust is one of the foundational building blocks of any relationship, and when this vital piece is missing, it throws everything else off balance. Sometimes, you must make challenging decisions for your health and sanity.
Final Thoughts on the Dishonest Partner
Are you happy with the circumstances you’re in, or do you want better for your life? Someone who lies to you is abusing your trust, and it’s not a great way to have a relationship. This person has toxic traits they must address.
If you’ve learned anything about life and love, it should be that you can’t change people. You can’t make someone do better or force them to do something they don’t want. However, you can set effective boundaries to protect yourself from their deceptions.
When the person you love won’t change toxic habits, you can walk away with your dignity intact.