“Lust is temporary, romance can be nice, but love is the most important thing of all. Because without love, lust and romance will always be short-lived.” – Danielle Steel
We always want to think that we can tell if someone is using us for our bodies, or if they really like us and want to be with us. Sometimes, it’s not as easy to tell as we want to believe. When you begin to fall for someone, things happen fast, and those things can also be intimate situations. Not everyone can be on the same page about what’s going on in a relationship, and sometimes things get lost in miscommunication.
Partners who are “only interested in sexual relationships are smart enough to avoid sexual conversation when they first meet you. Their goal is make you feel safe and seducible by giving you the impression – they are not like “all the rest,” says business consultant, life coach and astrologer Larry Schwimmer.
If you’re confused as to whether or not your partner is really into you and wants to be with you out of love, or if they’re just using you because of your body and the things you can do together, check out these signs and see how your relationship measures up.
8 Signs Your Partner Is Using You For Your Body
1. They’re only affectionate when they want something
And that something is usually … you. If your relationship doesn’t have casual affection like kissing, holding hands, cuddling, but you do have plenty of intimate moments together and sex … then it might just be a sign that your partner is using you for your body. Affection is a way to be intimate and grow close together, but if your partner is only interested in the main course, they might not care about getting closer.
2. They don’t want to get to know you
Can they name your favorite movies, books, music, or anything about you that they can’t tell by looking directly at you? Do they want to hear your thoughts and opinions on things? Are they interested in getting to know the real you? If you can’t definitely answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions, it might be a red flag that your partner is just using you for your body.
Dating expert Mark Stefanishyn says, “If his eyes glaze over every time you start talking about your love of knitting, if he always turns the subject back to how great he is at Call of Duty, or if it just never really feels like you have his full attention, then chances are, he’s not interested in moving forward. If a man wants a relationship, he naturally wants to know who you are and what you are up to…”
3. They never take you on real dates
If you only ever hang out at your house, or their apartment, and call that a ‘date’, it might be a sign that they’re not really invested in taking you out and showing you off. After all, hanging out at the house means that you can get intimate together all that quicker. If they don’t want to see you outside of that, it might be a sign that they’re not all that into you for your heart.
4. You never meet his friends or family
Not even once. Any time you bring it up, he changes the subject. When someone is using you for your body, they’re not invested in having you meet their friends or family, because “the less information you have about him, the easier it is for him to ghost you. If you don’t know who he hangs out with, or where he lives, or what his last name is, he can disappear like a phantom into the night,” says Frank on Cosmopolitan.
So, if you can’t seem to ever meet their friends, or they don’t want to meet yours, it’s a sign to ditch them for someone who cares.
5. They don’t follow through
If they’re always promising that your relationship is going to change, that it’s going to get more serious, that you’re going to start being a real couple soon, but nothing ever happens … it’s time to stop holding your breath. If they can’t follow through with taking you out on one nice dinner, or meeting your friends, then it’s a sign that they’re just trying to stall so they can keep using you.
6. They only make plans late at night
When was the last time you saw your partner during the day? Have you ever met for breakfast, gone out for lunch, or went to a midday movie together? If the plans that your partner makes with you seems to always be at nighttime, it might be a sign that they’re only interested in doing one thing with you, and it’s not a romantic lunch date.
Or as certified sexologist and author Dr. Sonjia Kenya says, “He’s always trying to see you, but never makes plans to do anything outside the bedroom, because he only wants to see you in the bedroom.”
7. They’re inconsistent
They’re always telling you that they’re too busy to hang out with you during the day, but seem to always have time with you at night. They say they have to work late, but then you see them on social media hanging out with their friends. They can never seem to keep their story straight about when they want to see you.
8. They avoid telling you how they feel
Do they like you? Love you? Are they happy to see you? You never know with this person, because they avoid it at all costs. If your partner doesn’t seem to be willing to share their feelings or how they feel about you, but they always want to hook up and get intimate with you, then it’s a red flag that it’s time to bounce.
Falling for the wrong person can be frustrating, especially when all they want is to use you for your body. Knowing the signs of this type of person in a relationship early on can save so many people the heartbreak that comes with realizing that your partner doesn’t care about your heart, and only wants you for your body. Hopefully, these signs have helped someone realize that they deserve so much more in their unsatisfying relationship.