If you have never heard of tantric sex before, it basically merges the physical and spiritual energies of the universe into one, harnessed through two people connecting to the Divine forces during sex. However, the sexual experience gained through tantra is much different than what the mass media and advertising industries sell to us – this type of sex is taught in Hindu and Buddhist cultures, and dates back to ancient times as people discovered their connection to Spirit.
Our sexual energy serves a very beautiful and significant purpose outside of just orgasm, self-pleasure and procreation; it literally connects us back to Source through the very energy that created us.
Instead of having goal-oriented sex centered around reaching orgasm, tantra teaches you to slow down and focus completely on your partner. Sacred sexuality also teaches to abstain from orgasm as long as possible in order to cultivate greater sexual energy and a deeper, more profound bond between you and your partner.
The entire purpose is to activate your kundalini, or “serpent energy” in order to achieve a higher state of consciousness. Tantric sex takes a more meditative, spiritual approach than sex based solely upon carnal desires.
So, how do you begin practicing tantric sex if you have never tried it before?
1. Lock eyes with one another and breathe deeply.
Dr. Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D., is a sex therapist and teaches a couples’ workshop in British Columbia to help them connect more deeply to one another.
“Emphasizing breath and connection creates a deep level of intimate contact. This alone can open your heart to feeling closer, more loving and more forgiving. Second, the slow pace of tantric lovemaking will allow you to explore the sensual range of your bodies and minds.”
Since the eyes are the windows to the soul, gazing deeply into one another eyes and not taking your attention off one another allows you to connect on the deepest level possible, making intimacy even more sacred. Also, work to synchronize your breathing, inhaling your partner’s breath when he/she exhales, and vice versa. In this way, you literally take in all of your partner, sharing every piece of you with them. Controlling your breath is central to all yogic and meditative practices, and this will help you cultivate more sexual energy.
2. Keep your eyes open and focus fully on your partner.
Tantric sex teaches not to hide anything from your partner, and to remain open physically, mentally, and spiritually. To fully harness Divine energy, you have to feel totally comfortable with your partner, and turn your attention toward taking in everything about him or her: the contours of their face, the varying shades of color in their eyes, the way their skin feels, etc. Notice the small things that you might have overlooked before, and focus on everything you find enthralling and beautiful about him or her.
Oftentimes during sex, we close our eyes and turn away from our partner, which in a sense removes us from the situation and puts all of our attention on how we feel, instead of creating a more loving space with our partner.
3. Assume a “Yab-yum” position.
This is a Tibetan phrase meaning “father mother” and basically involves an extended embrace between you and your partner at the highest level of intimacy. You can either sit cross-legged directly across from your partner with your knees touching, sit with your legs wrapped around the other person’s torso, or sit in your partner’s lap with your legs totally wrapped around each other. Continue looking into each other’s eyes and practicing the “breathe in, breathe out” technique. Remember to take deep breaths all the way into your belly; shallow breaths will deplete your energy faster, and this exercise is all about learning to hold a higher vibration with your partner.
4. Take things slowly.
Don’t rush through sex just to achieve orgasm; fully embrace your partner, kissing and caressing him or her and enjoying the full experience. You can still have intercourse, obviously, but approach it in a more conscious and aware manner than usual – try to maintain arousal as long as possible without actually orgasming. This will take practice, but you will find that the more you do it, the longer you will be able to hold that “charge” and feel aroused without losing control.
5. Massage one another beforehand.
You can also do this afterwards, but the idea is simply to love and worship your partner, making him or her feel totally relaxed and ready to give and receive energy from the Divine. Try to massage along the spine in accordance with the chakras; this will help reawaken kundalini and prepare both of you for sacred sex. You should also set your intentions together before engaging in tantra so you open up a clear channel between you and the Divine to connect through.