You know your new love interest is brilliant, but do they also have a high emotional literacy? Cultivating a strong relationship that will last depends on both personal aspects. While a person’s IQ may be simple to quantify, measuring the intangible qualities of their emotional literacy, or emotional intelligence, isn’t as easy.
How would you approach trying to discover your prospective partner’s emotional literacy? What things would you want toward the top of your list of characteristics you want most in a lover? If you asked them point blank about it, what answer would they give to satisfy your curiosity?
Twelve Signs Your Potential Love Interest Has Emotional Literacy
After you’ve met this person and gone on a few dates, you may feel yourself falling for them. Are they emotionally mature enough to create a healthy and lasting relationship with you? Here are twelve signs that your love interest has emotional literacy.
1. A Person With Emotional Literacy Is Curious about You and Others
People with a high level of emotional literacy usually have a strong sense of empathy. Unlike narcissistic personalities, they aren’t so self-absorbed that they ignore the needs of others. The more they care about how you feel, the more you become interested in them.
2. They Have a Fluent Emotional Vocabulary
You may also notice if your partner uses emotional intelligence to discern and discuss emotional issues. According to an article published by Frontiers in Psychology, EL was coined in the early 90s by Salovey and Mayer. Per the article, you can monitor your feelings and emotions as a guideline.
When you hear them describing emotions, they can go beyond the simplest terms like mad, sad, or happy. Their descriptions may include specifics like frustrated, elated, ecstatic, or despairing. It’s more than just flowery words; they’re in tune with themselves, and their vocabulary represents their emotional intellect.
3. They Usually Judge Someone’s Character by Using Their Intelligence
You hope to find a love interest who doesn’t always judge a book by its cover. They may lack emotional maturity if they are quick to pass judgment on folks they don’t know. It could also be a sign of a resentful, negative personality that could sabotage a relationship.
While no one can read a person 100 percent of the time, emotionally literate people are reasonably accurate. They realize that first impressions aren’t always correct, they take time to listen and observe others. Words, actions, and gut instinct are often enough for a person with high emotional literacy to reasonably estimate another’s character.
4. They Recognize Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Like anyone else, a person with high emotional mastery has many strengths and weaknesses. They have enough self-awareness to know their strong suits and their shortcomings. Consequently, they’ll capitalize on what they do best to compensate for their lack, especially in a strong relationship.
Another mark of elevated emotional literacy is that your partner allows your strengths to shine without resenting. They also won’t hold your weaknesses against you, and they are accepting and compassionate. This facet of their personality is also a positive asset in their professional relationships.
5. They Don’t Keep Score
If you want a strong relationship that endures for a lifetime, forget the scorecards. Even the best of relationships will have ups and downs, and you’ll both do and say things you regret. The key is apologizing, forgiving, learning lessons, and leaving it in the past.
Those with high emotional literacy usually understand the follies of keeping score. Using the past as a weapon against a partner is an act of desperation and control. True love doesn’t excuse offenses, but you both work together to forget and move forward.
6. They Aren’t Offended Easily
What could be more uncomfortable than having to walk on eggshells around someone? It’s especially alarming if this overly sensitive person is your love interest. You’re so nervous that they may perceive the most innocent statement as an insult or incitement.
People with low emotional intelligence often create toxic relationships both personally and professionally. If your partner excels in emotional mastery, they’ve learned not to take themselves so seriously.
They have enough self-esteem that they don’t try to read things into statements that aren’t there. Your person knows the difference between good-natured teasing and a cruel insult. If someone doesn’t like them, they figure it’s that person’s problem, and they aren’t easily offended.
7. A Person With Emotional Literacy Will Release Past Mistakes
Narcissists and other toxic personalities not only refuse to admit mistakes, but they blame them on others. Elevated emotional literacy allows folks to distance themselves from past mistakes while still owning them. They take valuable lessons from these mistakes, show gratitude, and then march straight ahead.
You won’t have a strong relationship with a lover who insists on wallowing in the past. How can you feel confident in your relationship if the past holds them like quicksand? The only thing they fit in the present and future is you.
8. They Aren’t Expecting Perfection
Not only is perfection an impossible notion, but its original meaning has been obscured. According to the Etymology Dictionary, it comes from a Latin word that means “to complete.” In the correct sense, perfection is a perpetual process, not a static condition.
Still, countless people fall prey to the negative push of perfectionism. They set unrealistic goals and standards and harshly criticize those who fall short. If they can’t do something flawlessly, they won’t do it, which is why they can’t accomplish anything.
Fortunately, people with high emotional literacy strive to do their best, but they know perfection is impossible. They have reasonable expectations of themselves and others. However, they’ll continue to find areas in their lives and relationships that they can improve.
9. People With Emotional Intelligence Know the Benefits of Solitude
History is filled with examples of people who found strength and personal growth in solitude. Being alone with your thoughts can promote healing and strengthen your faith and relationships.
Potential mates won’t be smothered or allow their individuality to be erased. They often crave solitude to gather their thoughts, emotions, and ongoing problems. They’ll also respect your sense of isolation and how it can promote a strong relationship.
They often use meditation, visualization, and journaling as mental and spiritual exercises. Such practices bring them face-to-face with their feelings. They learn to separate the ones that benefit from the ones with negative consequences.
10. They Take Charge of Their Own Joy
When your partner loves and accepts themselves as a whole person, they take responsibility for their joy. Not only does such emotional intelligence benefit them, but it’s a blessing to your relationship.
They refuse to allow other people’s thoughts and opinions to dictate how they feel about themselves or their accomplishments. While they can’t wholly block negative feedback, they use emotional intelligence to ignore it. They take charge of their joy and share it with you instead of making you responsible for the whole relationship.
11. Those With Emotional Literacy Will Drown Out Pessimism with Positivity
Coping with pessimists in a crowd is as tiring as trudging through a deep mud path. Their negative and snarky comments weigh down the atmosphere, and you feel overwhelmed with heavy energy. The good news is that people this literacy can use positive energy to lighten the mood.
However, they tend to avoid negative personalities as much as possible because of the consequences. They aren’t oblivious to problems or other serious issues. They have learned how to adjust their emotions and attitudes. It stands to reason why you and others are so attracted to their magnetic positivity.
12. A Person With Emotional Literacy Understands Addiction Better
Many folks are recovering addicts that use their emotional strength to stay sober one day at a time. In fact, their experiences have boosted their empathy for others who continue to struggle.
Although your potential partner may not have issues with substance abuse, everybody has their vices. It could be a food addiction, video games, or social media obsession. Every battle is different, but the steps to recovery are the same for most.
An emotionally mature lover can see how addiction can control every aspect of their lives. These toxic habits can destroy relationships and families and even shorten lives if left untreated. If they were an addict in the past, they had the emotional strength to admit they were helpless in their problem.
Final Thoughts on Emotional Literacy in a Relationship
You know you’re with the right person when you support each other physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Even during rough spots as a couple, partners with this literacy have efficient coping skills to sustain the relationship. A person with this intelligence is comfortable with their feelings. Thus, they will show the same compassion as yours.